Romeo&&Juliet-Theme: Suicide

My research topic/theme is things that drive teens to commit suicide. The reason I chose to do this is because no one really is aware- or thinks that they are, but really isn't- of why people comit suicide. Some thinks it's a selfish act, but there is a story behind it. The reason I also chose this theme is because in the book Romeo and Juliet, both Romeo and Juliet committed suicide so therefore it is a big them in the books and movies.

Karma's Life

Introduction;

Run. That is all I always wanted to do… but I can’t. It’s not like I am not capable of running, its just the doctors say not to.  I watched as I swung my legs back and forth as I sat on the bleachers, intrigued as my kneecap went somewhere it shouldn’t to pop back where it belongs.

“She has hereditary onychoostedysplasia,” the doctors told my family when I was one and a half years old. My mum acted as if it was the end of the world. Not for me, for her. Now she has a disgrace in her family.

My dad couldn’t forget when they said, “She might not be able to walk when she grows up. All you can do is feed her and watch her grow.” Shortly after, he gave up on me and left my mum...

Yet,I walk perfectly fine, until after so long, my knees give out. Then I have to rest.

In Sheffield, United Kingdom, everyone around here is very judgmental.

At school, I have to explain to my gym teachers that I have hereditary onychoostedysplasia. The gym teachers look at me like I’m another student coming in with lie of saying, “I can’t do this.” They acted as if I made it all up, even though it is quite obvious that I had some deformity.

It’s not that I don’t want to be able to run and play volleyball and stuff, it’s just that I am not allowed to. Doctors would always say to me, “Don’t you want to be able to walk when you’re older? Then be cautious now, so you can.” Don’t they understand that I am young for only so long? I want to feel normal? My mother does, but she’s scared to disobey my fathers wishes.

I am from The United Kingdom, where there is more research done here than anywhere else in the world. It’s not the greatest thing though… They treat we the people as lab rats, not living beings that need help.

The doctors were fascinated when I was a kid, They allowed me to do anything any normal child could do, but they knew what I had to put up with just to fit in. Pain. It hurts every single day of my life.  My knees give me a constant pain. They give me pain mostly from how the muscles didn’t form correctly around my half  kneecaps because they were too small and oddly placed.

I get it, I’m a freak of nature. Just because my LMX1B gene is mutated, and I was born as a mutant. I’m still an average everyday thirteen year old girl though. I still worry about my make-up and hair, how I look, and go through the torture of mother nature- except for me its way worse. My hormones are already messed up, and I also have to deal with more things to add to it…

I also have to deal with awkwardly bent fingers that remind so many people of a witches fingers, except I’m missing the thumb nail and my nails are splitted on my forefingers and pinky finger has extra webbing- causing me not to be able to fully extend it. I also have iliac horns in my hips, and extra bones in my elbows that causes me to not be able to fully extend my arms. I have pressure building up in my eyes which is going to lead to glaucoma when I grow older. Atleast I don’t have clubfeet like most people with hereditary onychoostedysplasia. So I never went through surgery like eighty percent of everyone else who has hereditary onychoostedysplasia.

To be honest, I live in constant fear of making a mistake that could cost me my ability to walk. Why did I inherit this dominant gene? Who passed it onto me? Why is my life ruined because of a simple gene mutation? Why do I have to spend the rest of my life asking “why”?

Karma’s Diary

Diary entry #1- Why Can’t I Fit In?

10thJanuary, 2013

Okay, so today didn’t go exactly well, and I thought that maybe I should start venting out on paper. My mother says its a good way to escape from everything and get something off my chest to feel “lighter.” Well, I’m going to try at least… So having this syndrome isn’t exactly… Fun… I can’t do everything as everyone else. I feel… Outcasted. Weird. Different.

I mean, it is okay to be different, but I feel as if I don't belong. Why can't I fit in?! I just want to be normal. I hate how I stand out so much.

Today, someone in my class called me a freak, I mean, ya that was a really childish name to call me, but it hurt. Like, really bad. I get it. I have eccentric knees, ADHD, and messed up hormones because of some bizarre syndrome. They don’t always need to belittle me every day of my life.

Can’t I ever meet someone else who has the same deformities as myself??? ...

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #2- Karma

12th January, 2013

How lucky am I to be named Karma? Yes, I mean that sarcastically. I asked my mum why she named me “Karma” and she says because of all the mistakes she did created a deformed child… Yay… Karma always haunts ya, doesn't it? I wish I at least had a normal name, like Amy, Jasmine, or something. Nooooooooo, she had to use Karma because of a STUPID reason.

Karma Summer Nancekievill.

Retarded name, right?! Karma, the girl who has olive green eyes, jet black hair, and a freaky appearance. I've always wondered what it would be like to be normal. Run like everyone else, have a normal-ish name, and live a life worth living. Why am I even alive???????

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #3-What’s Wrong With My Nails?

15th January, 2013

So, today my mum brought me to a salon, and they gave me a pedicure. They’re first comments were “What’s wrong with your nails, they’re rubbish!” I couldn't help but to let out a yelp of distress.

My first thoughts were, “Why would you be so rude to someone who didn't even want this done?! Have you no manners?!” but I held it in.

My mum told them that I bite my nails, and then they were all telling me that it is a bad habit, but it is really hard to stop.

They worked on my nails as I thought to myself, “Is my mum ashamed of my individuality?” Why is things just seem so hard to control anymore? Why doesn't anyone understand that I don’t like the fact that I am different myself, so I don’t need others putting me down as well. But most importantly... WHY ISN'T MY MOTHER SUPPORTING ME????

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #4- Isolated And Lonely...

20th January, 2013

So, today someone in my grade left me a note in my locker, saying things like I use the fact that I have hereditary onychoostedysplasia too much as an excuse. Also, that they think that I made it up to cover up the fact that I am a mutated freak.

Why does everyone have to be so immature about this? I AM DIFFERENT, I GET IT!!

I feel so alone in this, I hate how I have no one to turn to for help. I hate counselors, and no one else will speak to me about it. My father and mum got divorced when I was four, and my mum is selfish and HATES it when I complain about my syndrome.,

Why am I so isolated by everyone? Why am I so alone…?

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #5- Surgery

2nd February, 2013

I haven’t wrote in here for awhile, but I wanted to talk about the most recent disturbing event that is happening in my life; Surgery. I will be getting my left kneecap removed and replaced with a metal one. It is going to be a scary event that happened to me in awhile. I don’t know how well this is going to go. They said I probably won’t be able to walk until after at least a month.

My left kneecap popped out of place recently in gym class because I wanted to prove to everyone else that I can do things, but when I ran the mile was when it happened… I don’t understand why I have to prove myself to everyone that I can do things… But I also don’t understand why I even tried,

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #6- Recovery&&Moving

10th February, 2013

It has been about a week since my surgery, and everything seems to be fine, I have pain when I readjust my leg it hurts because the muscles in my leg are trying to reform itself around the new kneecap.

Also, I will be moving! My mum finally got sick of hearing me complain about the harassment at school. So, soon I’ll have a new start, and I hope it goes better than here! We are moving into my aunts house. She always wears bonnets in the middle of the summer, and eats crips while watching a film. She is an odd one, but I love her.

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #7- Packed And Ready

12th February, 2013

We have almost everything packed up and brought over to our new house. We now live in Manchester, UK, which is A LOT better than Sheffield, UK, where we use to live. Manchester is about an hour and a half, at most, away from Sheffield.

My mum grew up in Manchester, and also she missed her sister, so that is one of the reasons why we moved here. My Aunt, Cindy, has a special timetable for everything. Even though her caravan was so disorganize, we found our rooms.

I was hoping we would move back to Brentford because that was were I was born and grew up for the first four years of my life. So today will be our last day in Sheffield, and to be honest… I’m not going to miss it here… Hopefully.

-Karma.xxx

Diary Entry #8- Things are getting better ♥(:

25th February, 2013

So, we’re practically all settled in. I got the master bedroom (Yay!) and I will start physical therapy soon here in a few days to work in my new knee! I started school a few days ago, and so far no one has made fun of me or harassed me yet.

Infact, I have two new friends. Their names are Teegan and Elliot, and they accept the fact that I’m different, and that I need someone to be there for me. I don’t feel so alienated at this school, unlike the last.

Teegan and I met during our first block class, gym. She also has to sit out because she recently had surgery done on her stomach. We actually had a lot of fun together. Teegan and I ran into Elliot at lunch- He was one of those people who sits alone.

Teegan is a cheerful bleach blond, blue eyed girl, and Elliot is a quiet brown haired, hazel eyed kid, and I am an shy-ish, jet black hair, green eyed kid. Odd bunch, yet we get along well enough. We all listen to the same music, have problems (emotionally and physically) and we all need someone to be there for us.

Teegan and Elliot has made my life so much easier. They are coming to my first physical therapy appointment to cheer me along.

I feel more welcome here than anywhere else. My mum has been acting quite unusually lately as well. She called me “Darling” this morning, and made me bacon, sausages, and eggs. She even made me fruit juices with bread and tea on the side. She just seems to be bursting with colours lately. I think maybe because she was homesick or something. I don’t know, but I’m glad that we all are becoming happy again.xxx

-Karma.xxx

The End ♥

Summary Of My Story

My story is what it is like to be a girl who has hereditary onychoostedysplasia in the UK. The perspective of my story is of a girl named Karma. She is fourteen and has hereditary onychoostedysplasia (Nail-patella syndrome). Hereditary onychoostedysplasia is a rare syndrome that only effects 1 out of 50,000 people in the world. Karma is writing in her diary about everyday of when she feels as if she needs to. She feels outcasted and wants to fit in any way possible. She is the typical average teenager, but has a lot to deal with than the rest. She only wishes to fit in.